Episode 25 - My Porsche.

Tml early morning is my driving test. and i can say that i'll be extremely glad once it's over, so i don't have to think so much about it. today's driving lesson was quite fun, as i haven't touched a car in like 3 weeks due to exam prep. and now there's another exam awaiting for me. i'm just scared for immediate failure.zzzzzzzz.
and i'm a bit rusty in my lane changing, and my vertical parking is FAIL. -.-' at least everything else is still as good or even better then before. hahahax. and gear change is sooo fun. =D
Well i guess i'm sufficiently prepared for tml already. Now to just make sure i dun have the jitters and screw everything up. just treat it like a normal lesson.. i guess. hahahax. but i do really crazy things in lessons.

i wonder if she's sleeping now already... nvr reply to my latest sms. and she's not online either. i get a hunch that she kinda feels as i do... but i just cannot put on finger on it. and it's really bugging me. sigh.. really miss you. =(

better pass tml, so i can use the car to show off. hahahx. GG.

Episode 24 - The Eternal Flame

There's something in all of us, that makes us perservere through adversity, and to face challenges never seen before, even when the pain is too much to bear.

The hope of something better spurs us on to greater heights, and at the end of it all, we feel that it has been worth it.

This is the Eternal Flame.

Listening to Freedom Call's - The Eternal Flame, makes me feel i'm invincible. Amazing but true. Really uplifting song.
I really wonder what would happen if i bought that bangle for her. Will it be another bad investment by me.. although that's what i think that will be the most likely scenario. sigh. sucks.

tml winter shopping with brian and ken and zj. must make sure those 3 dun freeze to death in japan. hahhax. =D

Episode 23 - All i want for Christmas is you =)

hahax. had a scare yesterday when Mindef sent me a call-up at 10pm? wth. omg la. bryan told me i had nothing to worry coz they send like 6 months earlier, and i tot it was fine.. until i went home to access it the website. and Pes review on the 30th ? omg la . i'm in japan. hahax. got so panicky, but i decided i would call camp tml and see how. Turned out need to call HRC, and they are damn nice la. to NSmen maybe. -.-' and changed it to Jan 13th, first day of sch wootz. extra holiday. =D

Driving test this sat. hope all goes well, then i can bring her out for a SPIN! =D wad a fantasy i'm living in. -.-''''' doubt it will ever happen.

Left for Dead 2 later, and with the motley crue of Ken, Dh, Brian and me, i think we can overcome all the stages la. =)

oh my oh my oh my. why is that bangle so expensive. die la. i'm only going to Japan with 700 spare.... need to buy crackers... Danver's "toys"... my Gundam =( .. souvenirs for others.... and this bangle is gonna wipeout half my cash. PLZ pray there is a christmas promotion. hahax.

Well i guess the most i can do is to fufill one of her christmas wishes. =)
Let's go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 22 - That's the scary part. I didn't know if I should smile, crack up, scream or run.

Now ladies and gentlemen, this quote above comes from The Wizard of Oz, and it really sums up how i feel at this point.

My emotions are like a roller-coaster right now, and i don't know how i should approach this. I feel like taking action, but i really HATE myself when i take action and i know something will screw up.

This sucks, but on one hand i cannot ignore the fact that i've grown to like her more and more.

The problem with me is, the more time i spend with someone, the more the tendency to stick with that person and as a result, like them. It's a bad habit, but i cannot help it. sighhh.

Tumblr looks good but i still prefer sticking to this old blogging type. more personal. =)
Well, no point thinking about it and just continue with what i'm doing now..... hope that someday she'll think of me as more then a friend.... hopefully....

Town tml again. i better get some nice clothes for japan. hahahax... =D

Episode 21 - So which path do i take? Depends where you want to go.

The quote above is a convo btw Alice and the Chesire cat, and i felt that it's the main problem in a lot of things. i'm just too indecisive, and i really cannot feel my own thoughts. Kinda sad but after so much heartbreaking, i've conditioned myself to be extra extra careful. sigh. -.-'

after exams le. SW was killer. but since everybody tot it was so, guess i'll do fine. before exams complaining about no time to do things. but after exams there's nothing to be done. sigh. i'm bored to bits. can only play L4D2 on friday. so today effectively i have nothing.. Elaine hasn't replied me about swimming at my condo, SO I HAF NO IDEA WHAT TO DO ARGH.

Can only silently read books. sianz. looks like i can go and read the 1200 pages book about coffee le. i guess today is just a relaxed and moderated day......... BORINGGGGG.

Today plz end fast. i want to enjoy all the activities that i have lined up..

Episode 20 - Happy Birthday to me =D

I'm officially 21. i guess. -.-' in about 30 mins time.
i don't rmb feeling anything diff when i woke up today. my facebook wall is flooded. goodness. hahax. i kinda like it though. =D
had a nervous breakdown for SN, but turned out they tested a midterm qn again. omg. i just regurgitated the mid term answer again. shiok. but qn on religion is superbly difficult. dunno how am i gonna score for that one but at least i tried to smoke something. prayyyy. -.-'

came back home. and my family ganged up on me. say UK dun have ebook reader.
then my father told me " i tot u wanted an ebook charger?" and he passed me a charger.
i was like huh? wad's the point of the charger if there's no ebook. and then i got the point and was smiling damn brightly hahahax. turned out he bought 2 ebook readers. the new Sony PRS-600 . touch edition =DDDDD. so beautiful. but i cannot freaking charge it as the stupid machine can only charge from a USB port and it takes 4 hours for first charge omgggg. and i wanna sleep. zzz.

Last exam coming. SW. okay let's make this good. make this perfect. no more screw-ups like NM. so far everything has been good so far except for that which i self-jacked.zzzzz. no more mistakes. it's the final one. NO MORE. after this i can play until i die of lack of money or just from lack of sleep. let's GOOOO!!!!!!! L4d2 YAY.

=) beautiful, pretty,delicate ebook reader wahahhahaa.

Episode 19 - Remembering Yesterday.

Other then remembering that i played lan yesterday in a long long while.... there's still plenty of other yesterdays to be remembered.

Cherry - Yesterday

Rainy days on my hair without you
Sunny days on my skin around you
I feel better when I remember
yesterday yeeh

Memories in my heart how does
that feel
Memories in my mind seems to be real
What a wonderful tale about
my yesterdays

In the night I was awake for love
But I had no fear to break my heart
In the light of burning summertimes
When I had the life in.....

Remembering "Yesterday" I had a dream of you
I gave your love away but I belong to you

Funny faces a pictures in my hand
Crazy races to play ball on the sand
What a wonderful chance to feel
my yesterdays

Episode 18 - True feelings.

Argh. i don't understand why i'm feeling this way. it's like the times we've shared so far are much much more in tune with what i've always desired. But I.. I.. i don't know if your share the same feeling too. -.-' i guess i have to try. and see how it goes. zzzzz
ARGH. dammit. study la. how can i let these thoughts come in now and jumble me up. 2 more papers to go. GPS was not bad today. at least i know i wrote so much hopefully i wrote something of use inside. technically more then 2 days to SN. i have the urge to play and play and play, but i have to be strong. play today ONLY. lol.
And XS's having some problem with his grades. think he did really badly. sigh. Army/Uni combo really is bad for us.
Well 2 more papers to go, hang in there a bit longer. and Liberation will come.

Episode 17 - What's done is done and cannot be undone.

Really. Terrible. How could i forget to study Copyright. No wonder i looked at the first qn i was like WTF. why got copyright qns. prob got all of em wrong. and THAT, would have cost me my chance to redeem my lousy mid term grade in NM. -.-' wah lao. this sucks la. ARGH. no freaking mood to study but GPS is just round the corner.

Episode 16 - Gundam Fight! Ready! GO!!!

Alright. Psych was killer. they really want to weed out those who have the interest in it and those without. Short ans qns based on parts that we would never have expected to come out? omg. died without leaving a trace.
The weather is unbearable today. i sweat like 3 times? -.-' wth. TERRIBLE.
Went to Munchies with Eugenia and Sixian, the cakes are really great, but the pasta remains to be seen. haiz. Eugenia had a vendetta with the Apple Crumble, which i thought was alright la, but maybe coz i nvr eaten cake since like dunno when, so all cakes taste okay. hahax.
Argh, Left 15 hours to NM. and only read my notes once through. well. here goes. =D

TO VICTORY!

Episode 15 - The Battle For Everyone's Souls.

As the title suggests, this is a pressing moment in my life. Why? it's been 2 years since i had a real proper exam, and army days weren't really considered productive in the sense of stimulating brain cells. -.-' i feel so relaxed about the exams but actually inside i'm close to exploding.
Came across this Persona 3 OST music called, yep u guessed it, The Battle For Everyone's Souls. And it's quite uplifting, something you would expect from a final boss battle theme. It's keeping my sanity together at this current moment.
Psych exam tml, left prob 2 or 3 more chapters to re-re-revise. And i'm done with it already. no more touching that damn book argh.
Movie project after the exams is giving me motivation to strive on, and for once i think i can actually build a gundam cosplay. I've already scrutinized the Knight Gundam and i think it's relatively easy. =D
I hate exam times, i'm like ultra high, unable to sleep, bouncing everywhere like those small rubber balls you buy in those machines. I don;t know how long i can keep this up, but i never back down from a challenge.
Bring it on, this is the battle for everyone's souls.

Here We Go! Gundam Fight! Ready! GO!

Episode 14 - Half Minute Hero.

I'm proud to proclaim myself as a half minute hero. lol. that's a brillant title to give to oneself.

It's such a wonderful game on the PSP, so long since i'm really into a psp game again. As the reviews say, it's a RPG for the impatient. hahax. =D

Totally addicted to it but sadly i think it's gonna end soon. I'm like gonna reach the final segments of the game already. It's really a brillant idea coming from Marvellous Entertainment. The music is also awesome, really like something from an old RPG kind of game, and fits in perfectly with the 8 bit everything. hahax. Managed to get the OST today and i'm so happy. Memories of the game without even playing it wahahaha.

Today went for NM tut late, almost didn't make it zomg. in the end i was left sweating inside for like 30 mins. zzzzz. and i revealed about "S" when we talked about online relationships. Well, it's been kinda long already so i guess there's no harm in bringing it up, all part of a growing process >.<

Did an awesomely brain straining RP at 1130, which Xinya also happened to be doing the same one. hahax. just diff timing. i dun know how, but i walked in later then my friend but i walked out earlier. hahahhax. he was totally shocked. it was funny though.

And went to AS6 for SW project work, wow looks like my brain works in non-air con places. I was like throwing opinions and ideas here and there, and apparently they're not bad. It's kinda fun doing projects. And maz and completed our section in sch so we don't have to hurry ourselves at home. Wootz.

SN exam on friday, driving tml. wad a waste of time. really need to concentrate already. Finish with this nonsense, and the presentation, and i'm all set for the finals. And not to mention Hakone hotel bookings.zzzzzzzz..STREEESSSS. X.X

Episode 13 - Sweat sweat and more sweat.

Today was one hell of a day. Came to kent ridge terminal and straight away went to sci fac to meet marvin to take the balls, then took shuttle back to fass again and went to deck. OMG. ultra hot and sweaty. zzzzz. carried so many things around everywhere.

Crashed EU lecture. Surprisingly interesting. Russian Revolution. =D then went for SN tutorial, and Cherry looked great in that headphones shirt. lol. =X took out my netbook to show some websites to the 2 presenters today, and drew gasps of "sooo cute!!" from C&C.

Went for our first soccer training today. it was really fun. but i had to stop myself from running up becoz of my leg. sigh. reallyyy tempted. but last man now seems quite fun too. i stopped a perfect strike by Ian towards our goal =D not sure how things in the competition is gonna turn out but i'll definitely play my best. My physical self is not there but i still can see where the ball is going to and i made several good passes also. not bad for defending from a cripple. =)

Episode 12 - Va Va Vroom!

After yesterday's movie night, which resulted in me reaching home at 3am, i had to wake up at 630 for driving. hahax. it's crazy. It's worse than drinking at wala and ending at 1 and having driving the next day.

1st lesson of driving was okay, quite mistake-free, which is amazing thinking about how sleepy i was. 2hours after that lesson into the 2nd lesson, it was horrendous. Clutch leg vibrating like mad, for no reason. It made my car hop all the way into the vertical parking lot. Knocked down front pole of parallel parking lot, turned into left lane during a right turn in the circuit. -.-' simply brillant. lucky i managed to complete my 2 test routes and he let me off earlier by 20mins.

Went home, KOed from 3 -8. wad the hell. 5 hours wasted. and my brain is now totally blur about what i have to do. Psych tml =D so fun. hahax.

Episode 11 - Love Kicks.

A normal friday, breakfast with sam alone coz bryan pangseh. hahax. it was raining terribly, and i almost didn't know how to walk to the deck, lucky i'm smart =D

South Asian is starting to get fun. Really. No idea why. -.-' but the econs part still screws me time and time again. At least religion is soooooo much more easier to understand. I spent about 1.5 hours trying to spot C and Cherry, but apparently couldn't see them. hahax. then out of nowhere i turned my head and i inadvertently spotted them. Hot Pink. =X

Social work lecture was short due to a guest speaker talking about disablility, and i sat next to a girl whom i forgotten the name, but now i found out and it's Elaine. hahax. Her macbook is damn nice la, got a sponge gingerbread man as the background. lolz. =) She invited me to lunch with her church friends, at first i was reluctant, but o well. hahax. turned out she knows Chang Jie, it's been some time since we've last met le. and there was this girl who looked curiously like another Elaine, but her name was Lydia. hahax.

Crashed Physics in Chem lecture with Brian and Ken. Omg i totally dun understand. hahax. terrible. AFter that we went PS to eat Carl's and then watched the Ugly truth. hahhax. It's retardedly good. But after i watched it i felt something tugging at my heartstrings. weird.
I really still cannot comprehend that feeling. SIGH. and monday i'm going to get my palm read by this guy, mathan recommended to me. Well we'll see. >.<

Psych got above average. Wootz. finally some results. I'm really tired of seeing crappy marks. at least this is some consolation. well well. if i follow the pattern it will seem my SN mid terms should do quite well. hahahhax.. here goes......................................

Episode 10 - What a wonderful day.

Alright, beautiful Thursday, my free day =D

Went for early morning driving lesson again -.-' damn sianz, so tired, but then i got my fav car again, the H79 Honda Civic. I'm so happy to get that car, because that's the car that i've been using the most often, and it's so downright laupok that i like it. hahahahx. Did 3 test routes today, coz the instructor is also my all time fav one, Tan K Y, who is damn good at teaching, seriously, or at least in teaching me. I cleared all my circuit without losing any points, and outside on the road, even more shiok, i noticed a hazard way before he did. And after the lesson he told me that i drive very independently outside and he's seen very few students achieve that. I dun care if it's just to raise my moral, the fact he said it does mean i'm somewhere there le. lol.

Back home, learning SN economic changes in India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, relatively easy but i must be prepared for next friday. MUST. enough heartbreaks le. And i did a relentless tweaking of my GPS essay, now i can safely say it's close to perfection with very few loopholes left for the marker to exploit. Or i hope so. Now to show the essay to bryan for him to verify. hahax.

Music is the way of life, Kawaii-Radio is the way to that way of life. lol. So many nice songs i've been hearing. Kawaii-Radio ftw! =D

Episode 8 - What am I doing wrong now.

Okay before i get into the heartbreaking stuff, say the good stuff first. After that nonsense post of yearning for pple, apparently i walked into yuhan and si xian as i came back from the toilet, and they were also going to BK area. And yuhan started pointing and giving me the "ah ha" look. -.-' lol. and she was reallyyyyyyyyy UNtactful about it. And as lucky as i can get, i went for my Research programme, and turned out C&"Cherry" were also doing that same RP. It was kinda funny. walking to the room and just wanting to be alone for a while, but those 2 justttt had to come in. i waved at them and they came over to my side to sit.
And funny thing is, "Cherry" did not notice me until they came really close. hahhaax. And she gave a smile that would steal your soul >.< And C told me one sentence that mirrored the way i felt. " How come we see you everywhere ah?" I'm wondering that myself too. I'm thinking, if you're talking to me, and i see u everywhere, why have i not talked much to you 2? What's wrong with me?

Okay and now for the sad part, NM test came back. 46/70.. omg average. just nice. bryan had like 57, and alvan about 50 plus. zomg. why why why. I really STUDIED for it. MUGGED. and it still comes out like this. What's wrong with me again. I mugged about 2 days before the NM test, and i get average, I'm gonna mug one week before SN test and see if i do better. Now the only blow left is for Psych test results. sigh. If that screws up as well i think i go Sci Fac le seriously.

ARGH!

Episode 7 - The Pangs of Loneliness.

Well well, i saw Arush with some hot babe at Olio exactly at this time(10.47am), and i was thinking to myself, would i ever be in that same place as he is too with an equally hot babe? lol.
I'm dreaming of having "Cherry" next to me while I study. hahax.. how nice. i wonder when is the day i'll actually talk to her properly. And it seems that a lot of poly pple are attached already, prob she's already attached, that's why she's so flirty. -.-' OMG bryan wad to do, you got Leopard problem i got Cherry problem hahahahhax.


Dammit. wad am i doing. Study study la. Next week South Asian exam. Die le. >.<

Episode 6 - Burning with Anger.

Retarded people. When others are speaking their minds they take everything as an attack on them. Please, you have nothing to get attacked already because you're reached the highest honour of insensitivity. Personally i don't even wish to talk to you so why would i even bother attacking you, waste of my time, energy, and screwing up my well-managed anger. Some people just don't know when to stop.
My pent-up anger for 3 years is finally coming out, though i don't want it to, but it looks like i have no choice. Enough playing around already, time to get serious with this. No more avoiding but Confrontation. You know who you are, want to play right? Okay i'll play with you all the way.


P.S: My Rival Gary has picked Charmander as his pokemon, so looks like that's a goner. -.-'

Episode 5 - Which?

As my Uniqlo shirt with Ash Ketchum looking at his 3 choices of starter pokemon(plus one unseen yellow mouse as well), i am given the same situation now. WHICH? I'm thankful for the girls/women in my life, it makes me happier, makes my brain waves flow freely. Probably it's the Intimacy VS Isolation Crisis working right now in my young adulthood, or rather i'm not even an adult yet if you count by months. -.-'

Well now i will give a brief introduction of the starter pokemon which have tormented me lately.
I will not disclose the names here but it's fun to guess.

Bulbasaur - Okay this one, not very strong in the beginning, but according the to guidebook, has the best stats out of all the starters at the final stage of evolution, which means it has the best potential but it's hard to train, coz grass types have very few strong grass moves, Vine whip at lvl 11 at the first gym, omg, mega grinding. Looks relatively cute and my favourite starter.

Squirtle - This little turtle has the toughest defense out of all the starters, learns an easy Bubble at lvl 8, but still difficult to train due to not many pokemon being weak to water, and using Bubble alone is hard to defeat the first gym leader, better chance of Water gun at lvl 13. Not very aesthetically pleasing but evolves to a ferocious Blastoise with fierce skills, Hydro Pump >.<

Charmander - Everyone's HOT lizard. lol. This baby packs a punch with it's strong fire moves, but sometimes is relatively unpredictable due to having to use Scratch until like lvl 20 something before it learns Slash, and you shouldn't evolve it early because it will take like lvl 49 to learn Flamethrower when it is at it's final stage but learns at lvl 42 if it's still a Charmander. What this means is that it's EXTREMELY difficult to train, and will be a immature little lizard until it learns it's best moves. So it requires great amount of training and pampering. But it's hot. =D

Pikachu - Now for this little electric mouse, it has quite a temper, and whines the most of all, and gives u a little jolt everytime you are ignoring it. hahax. Has quite an attitude, but will never cease to grab your attention because of it's stupid electric shocks. Sometimes you wonder if it is shocking you out of fun, out of inability to control those sparks or really it just wants to shock you into noticing it. Relatively weak in stats and stuff, easily KO'ed but still gets the job done most of the time. And who cannot deny the fact that the mouse walking behind you is soooo adorable. When it's not in a temper that is.

What a headache. Someone tell me which to pick. -.-' I need to start on my Pokemon Adventure before i hit my Middle Adulthood. And i definitely cannot follow the pokemon mantra of
"GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL" .

Episode 4 - My car is my beloved steed.

Driving is so far the only comfort i have in terms of learning new things, i still can remember the time when i was still bumbling around in the various training cars, not knowing what car is which, not confident of my decisions as a driver. But 4 months down the road, i''m pretty confident of what i'm doing, and it seems the car is just a outward attachment of my own self. Stuck with a stupid Honda Civic that has a crazy turning radius, it's the worst car u can get for training and the test, but i'm quite okay with it, rather i've grown attached to the car that always turns out of lane. hahax. Reaching the end of the driving lessons already. test booked on 28th Nov, i doubted i would book on my bdae in case i fail. Anyway the instructor said i am 80% there already. I queried him about why only 80% and he said it's already good, no need for 100%. Did the nonsensical 3 point turn and e-brake today, and spent most of the time sharpening up my circuit skills. Parallel parking and slope and S curve are my favs, although i have no idea why, but it's just fun. Directional change is kinda boring, alongside with the other curve. And my worst is still vertical parking coz of the Honda Civic's absurd turning radius. hahhax.

Drive drive drive. Hope i can get that license soon. Will put it to good use =)

Episode 3 - The Return of the Gundam Boy.

Wow, for once in 3 weeks i finally feel good. I managed to cover much ground in the South Asian Religion readings, and i really understood it and could link it to my presentation coming in 2 weeks time. The fact that my mind is working once more is really really really refreshing. Also after tweaking parts of my GPS essay to sound more convincing and linking it back to the question, i'm beginning to think that maybe i'm not gonna screw this up after all. BUT, it's still too early to say. Apparently all it took was one cup of Nescafe Frappe. Looks like coffee is still my saving grace. -.-'

Kudos to a Saturday well spent. Driving tml with no other plans. Looks like another wasted weekend. O well. At least i'm studying. A little.

Episode 2 - Rain rain go away, Come again another day.

Awakened by the roaring winds and torrential downpours, it spoilt a beautiful morning to sleep in. Supposed to have badminton today, but last min got cancelled. AGAIN. I'm getting increasingly fed up with my inability to do things. Been reading the lectures that were supposed to be webcasted. It's kinda weird but i'm not getting anything into my head. My internal timetable is becoming increasingly erratic, and i can't do anything about it. I seem to be losing interest in studying, and that's not good. How am i going to recharge myself again like i did for 20 years now?

Episode 1 - So what exactly are we arguing about?

Okay. It's been about 3 years since i've last blogged. And looking back at my old blogging style, i'm surprised to see how happy i was, relatively. While reading somebody's blog, i got the urge to start typing stuff again, guess i need somewhere to consolidate my thoughts before i explode.

Contrary to what the title might suggest, it's not really about relationship problems. Rather, it's the essence of FASS that i'm finding hard to grasp. I have never had a tutorial where i felt the need to question or argue about any points, other then my Psych and CNM. For a person who placed emphasis on Science ever since young, doing BCM in JC somemore, going FASS seems like a walking into a wall. But i have no choice, Psych just has to be in FASS. Great. Tutorials are no longer like what it used to be. My perception of tutorials is that we ask the tutors questions when we have doubts, and listen to what the tutor has to say regarding the subject. Not turning into a minefield of debates and questioning things that have no definite answer. My point is, what's the point of arguing if there is no end to it? Isn't it pointless? I was brought up to think in terms of black and white, yes and no. I like playing with facts, inferring things from facts, but not arguing things. And to my dismay it seems that FASS leans more towards people who can argue more because it shows the ability to talk and think. Yes i'm not disputing that, because i find some arguements convincing, but i'm just not the kind that will argue. Seeing others that can argue and debate very well really makes me feel like i'm in the wrong faculty. Frankly, i came NUS to study Psych, not a whole bunch of other modules which i have totally no interest in. My mind goes a complete blank when i enter my South Asian, Social Work, and GPS tutorials. There's just not enough perk for me to talk, and it makes me look like a dimwit. And speaking of presentations, i just had a SW presentation, and i think it went horribly wrong. We (I) got shot left right center by a few of our tutorial mates, and it seemed that i had no real answer to their questions, all i had was a few retorts that apparently sent the whole class laughing. What disturbed me was this girl who was from another tutorial, apparently she talked extremely fast, and she had a ton of questions that sounded quite legitimate but it sounded as though she had swallowed the whole social txt, both mentally and physically. Am i facing these kind of people in my quest to do well in sch? I'm so gonna screw up my non-psych modules if this keeps up, and there goes my CAP as a result. Currently i'm just coming to terms with writing Arts style essays, which are a whole lot more smoke then Science essays, and now there's the tutorials and the stupid participation points to earn.

I wonder, is life better over at the Sci fac? Until i can solve the Arts mysteries, i'm so screwed. Really.